I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
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