I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
I think my moral compass just broke
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
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