You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
Randomize
