i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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