At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
Basic items
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
