im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
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