you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
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