I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
Randomize