do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
Randomize
