I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
