You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
I think I won the penis lottery.
At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
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