Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize
