The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
Randomize
