My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
Randomize
