ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
