using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
Randomize
