it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
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