just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
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