am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
Randomize
