I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
Randomize
