he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
My liver is preforming stress tests.
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
Randomize
