i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
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