you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
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