I didn't shave. On purpose
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
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