How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
Randomize
