i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
new midget porn idea. Wizard of Jizz: Munchkins Revenge
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
Randomize
