I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
Randomize
