The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
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