i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
Randomize
