no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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