If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
Randomize
