So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Randomize
