I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
