I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
I woke up under a house in Key West
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