Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
Randomize
