Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
Even the bartender felt bad for me
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize
