can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
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The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
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I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
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