Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
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