Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
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