she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
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I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
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Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*