Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
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