Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(321): View more from Florida Space Coast

Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.

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(646): View more from New York

I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"

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(770): View more from Georgia

I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked

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(585): View more from New York

bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning

(1-585): View more from New York

oh god.. jail?

(585): View more from New York

better, on the catwalk of the auditorium

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Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
Read it at the TFLN blog
(732): View more from New Jersey

only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..

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(321): View more from Florida Space Coast

Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.

(407): View more from Florida

Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.

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(516): View more from New York

we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan

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(718): View more from New York

There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.

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(860): View more from Connecticut

There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.

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