What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
27 Of The Most NSFW Life Hacks
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
23 Disturbing Small-Town Horror Stories
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
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