I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
29 Of The Most Hilarious And Embarrassing Walks Of Shame Ever
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
These 23 Dudes Get Giddy From Dem Titties
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.