he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit