Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
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oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
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There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?