then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
These 25 Normal Couples Tried Porn Moves During Sex And It Ended Horribly
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
23 People Have Step Parents That Are Younger Than Them
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do