I want to make a zoo with you.
i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
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