Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize
