GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
Randomize
