I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
Randomize
