I think I died a long time ago.
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
