yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
Randomize
