your thong is hanging out like whoa
Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
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