if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
Randomize
