Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
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