That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
