Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
Its about making memories worth repressing
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
Randomize
