Yo dont text me then not text me
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
Randomize
