The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Randomize
