do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
Randomize
