Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
its not stalking. its research.
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
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