Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
Randomize
