then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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