When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
