As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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