why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
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