So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
