Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
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