dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Randomize
